How To Take control Of Your Life and Set Boundaries

 - Sakshi Post

Do you have difficulty saying 'No' to people?

Do you feel like people are taking advantage of your kindness?

We live in a time of unparalleled personal expression; the question is how much we should reveal about ourselves—and how much we should want to know about others? The answer to this question helps us erect a boundary around the parts of ourselves we want to keep private, or at least shielded from those with whom we don’t know all that well.

A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person. Research suggests kids at an age as early as 18 months begin setting boundaries The importance of boundaries is innate, even in the  Animal Kingdom there is a clear demarcation of hierarchy; communication of which behaviours are acceptable and which aren’t is evident within the families. 

Have you received unsolicited advice?

Has someone come up to you and decided to unload about their day without any consideration, in turn affecting your state of mind.

Have you been startled by someone who decides to pat you on your back to ask for your attention in public?

Have you given certain valuables to a friend only to have them returned in a bad condition?

These instances are examples of your emotional, mental, physical and material boundaries being violated.

Boundaries protect your sense of self-esteem and ability to separate your feelings from others. When you have weak boundaries, it’s like getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with no protection. You expose yourself to be greatly affected by others’ words, thoughts, and actions.

Assess the current state of your boundaries

 HEALTHY BOUNDARIES allow you to:

• Have high self-esteem and self-respect.

• Share personal information gradually, in a mutually sharing and trusting relationship.

• Protect physical and emotional space from intrusion.

 • Have an equal partnership where responsibility and power are shared.

• Be assertive. Confidently and truthfully say “yes” or “no” and be okay when others say “no” to you.

• Separate your needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires from others. Recognize that your boundaries and needs are different from others.

Empower yourself to make healthy choices and take responsibility for yourself.

Also Read: Is your partner lying to you? Here is what you should know

UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES are characterized by:

 • Sharing too much too soon or, at the other end of the spectrum, closing yourself off and not expressing your need and wants.

 • Feeling responsible for others’ happiness.

• Inability to say “no” for fear of rejection or abandonment.

• Weak sense of your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how others treat you

• Disempowerment. You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.

 Don’t be troubled by the fear of rejection, confrontation and guilt, remember you are doing this for yourself. Certain people have rigid boundaries, some porous and some none whatsoever, chose wisely there is a lot weighing in on this choice. 

Look within yourself, ask yourself those uncomfortable questions

Assert your boundaries and Take control of your life.

By Payal 


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