Love is one of those things that people spend their entire lives looking for. The right kind of love is always the ultimate destination. Some people find ‘The One’ very early in life while others breeze through multiple relationships before they find one person that makes their soul happy. Each relationship goes on to become a part of who they then become. In today’s world there exists a multitude of relationship types. There are the good old arranged marriages, passionate love marriages, live-in relationships, friends-with-benefits, boyfriends, girlfriends and gender neutral relationships.
Have you noticed that getting into a relationship with someone is often the easiest thing to do for many, however living it out is where the challenges show up.
So, in order to reduce the challenges here are some questions you can explore:
What does an intimate relationship mean to you?
What do you actually want from a relationship?
How well do you know the person?
How well do you know yourself?
Quite often, after the initial awkward phase where you save your farts for the bathroom, people tend to get a little too comfortable with their partners. This is when habits tend to set in, which can turn into unpleasantness in the relationship. Some of these habits are ego, need for control, need to correct the other, need to judge or dominate, obsession with busyness, need to assume and react, poor listening, taking things or the other for granted, tendency to disrespect, jealousy and possessiveness, keeping barriers and guards up and criticising one another.
The first step is to acknowledge that sometimes we do exhibit these traits.
And second, make a decision to change that.
Here is a checklist of things you can do when things get hard with your partner-
1. Replace control with ‘Trust’ and make aware choices that are not from a space of reaction and judgment. Trust yourself. Trust that you can resolve anything. Are you aware that we look at things negatively when we don’t trust ourselves? Interesting isn’t it? Trust your partner. Trust in the universe assisting you if you include it.
2. No one is perfect. Bombard your partner with love energy especially when they are trying to be their worst best. Be the ‘Gift’ that you are and know that your partner is truly a gift to you too.
3. Allow your partner the ‘Freedom’ to be whatever they choose to be…Mr/Ms Angry; Mr/Ms Upset etc. In fact, at that time stand back and take a look at what YOU are being.
4. Avoid making your relationship the center of your life and living. Don’t stop doing things that you used to do before the relationship.
5. Learn to take ‘no’ for an answer. Be okay with it or discuss the matter without attacking the other. Explore other possibilities and be aware of your resistances.
6. Acknowledge and appreciate your partner.
Remember that this relationship is what you have been looking for. You get to decide how your marriage or relationship works.
It is YOUR choice.
Incase you require further assistance with your relationship, feel free to contact the author who is a Relationship Coach and an Integrated Therapist. She is also the founder of Sanctuary of life and can be reached on firstname.lastname@example.org